Homeschooling: you asked, I answered... (NOT crisis schooling)

                   


I homeschool/unschool my children. I have since the beginning, although that was not my original plan. I get inquiries all the time asking me why we have chosen this path? How does that work?What made me decide to homeschool/unschool? What is unschooling? Where do you start if you want to homeschool/What does my family do? What curriculum do I use? But don't I worry my kids won't be socialized? Aren't I worried my kids will be weird? What if I want my kids to enter the school system after homeschooling? What about college? The list is long. People are curious. Many just because its different and they just find it fascinating and many because they are interested in exploring it to see if its a viable option for them.

Some of my history:

I was a school teacher (Masters in Special Education) before having children. I loved teaching and I loved children.  Having grown up as the youngest of four and all of us having varying degrees of Learning Disabilities and Dyslexia and ADHD, school was not always easy but our parents were always supportive and we were constantly told we were smart and we could do what we put our mind to and we were lucky enough to have resources and support to help us along the way (much as someone who has eyes that are not 20/20 might need glasses to see).

My husband says I need to address the fact that I was a school teacher briefly.  He thinks once people hear that they stop listening because they figure, "oooohhh You're a school teacher. Okay. That makes sense." Keep reading as I address this throughout this blog and homeschooling has little to do with my educational background and the fact I was a teacher.

Once I had my oldest, Hartly, I never intended on homeschooling. In fact Frank kept telling me I should but I felt unqualified. I thought it was crazy to think that I could teach him every subject for every single grade. It felt overwhelming and I felt inadequate (even with the Graduate Degree in teaching and years of experience).

But every birthday of his came and went and I kept not putting him in school. For anyone who knows Hartly, he is incredibly verbal.  He started signing (got up to over 100 signs by 20 months Toddler Hartly signing) and was communicating so young. It was and is how he processes and learns. I didn’t want his natural curiosity and way of processing squashed by the necessity of the classroom structure. I didn't want him to be told to sit still or to be quiet or to not be called on or told his questions were not on topic or that they had to move on. So I never really decided to homeschool. I just never put him in school.

I chose to homeschool. But really I chose to “unschool” or some variation of it anyway (keep scrolling for more on this). I didn’t want to recreate school at home. So I just followed his lead and when he was interested in letters or writing or a certain subject... we did that. We looked stuff up and went to museums and field trips and read a ton... and we played. Most of the play was totally child led. Every day was filled with snuggles and reading and playing and laughter.

Top 12 reasons we chose this path:

1.) I WANT TO:
Homeschooling is definitely not for everyone. A lot of parents want and need time and space away from their children. A lot of parents do not have the temperament or desire to homeschool. I was a teacher previous to being a Mom. I have always thrived around children. It is where I am happiest. Sure I get frustrated and exhausted and impatient. I am human. And homeschooling is hard!! There are definitely days where I wish they were all in school and I could do a million other things with my day and time. But, the majority of my days, I want to be with my children and I want to homeschool and I can't imagine having it any other way.

2.) I CAN (and if you really want to, you can too!):
I mean this in two different ways. Initially it was my husband who kept introducing the topic of homeschooling. I fought him on it insisting that I do not know all subjects and, therefore, can't teach everything to my boys. After some research I realized, I don't need to know everything to homeschool. There are libraries and computers and other resources to guide me and the boys as we cross each crossroad and subject and interest. Anyone with the desire and a computer or library card has the potential and ability to homeschool.  

The second way I mean I can is that I am fortunate enough that I do not need to work outside of the house for another income. But I have also since learned of lots of homeschoolers who work and homeschool. We have a lot of homeschooling friends where One parent works full time and the second parent homeschools and works part time. I even know one or two families with slightly older kids where the parent homeschooling also works from home a 40 hour week. Again, it is possible to work and homeschool (article is intentionally Pre-covid because this is geared toward homeschoolers and not Crisis schooling. That is a whole other beast which I am not qualified to talk to but I am sure there are plenty of current articles out there addressing just that.) 

3.) WE TRAVEL:
We love to travel. We want to travel when it is convenient and cost efficient for us and not according to schools and holidays.

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4.) NO ONE TIMELINE FOR ALL CHILDREN:
In the first year of Hartly's and Tayo's life I used to get weekly email updates on what to expect in the first year of life. I found it fascinating that there was such a huge range of healthy development. Some babies learn to roll over as early as 8 or 9 weeks old. Other babies don't roll over until 6 months old. Both are completely healthy and neither better or worse than the other. This applied to all sorts of milestones. But once a child goes to PreK suddenly all the children are meant to learn the same things on the same timeline. That doesn't sit right with me. And I do not want to make my child feel bad because he may or may not be ready for the mass curriculum or because they are ahead of it in certain areas.

5.) CHILDREN ARE MEANT TO PLAY:
I strongly believe that play is so underrated. Research has shown that play is essential for children, yet children are being taught to read and write and sit still earlier and earlier.  This article on the importance of play says it way better than I ever could. I want my children to have plenty of time everyday to play.

6.) I CAN ACCOMPLISH A LOT MORE, IN LESS TIME...:
A recent article, Time Is Precious, broke down the amount of time in a school day where children were actually being taught/learning. It was eye opening and astonishing. It also made sense. As mentioned, I used to be an elementary school teacher. Much of the day is spent setting up and cleaning up and rushing from one class or activity to another. There is also the fact that a room full of children are going to understand the subject being taught at different rates. There will always be one or more children who understand right away while others take a lot longer to grasp what is being taught. So much of the time is spent waiting. Either waiting for next activity while teacher answers questions of those confused or waiting for teacher to help you because you are confused. What can take all day or a week to learn, can often, be taught in an hour or a morning when one on one or one on two…

7.) …WHICH LEAVES MORE TIME FOR EVERYTHING ELSE:
This leaves a lot more extra time for everything else. More time with parents. More time to play. More time to explore. More time to delve into outside interests. More free play where my kids are connecting and creating their own languages and games and ideas! Who doesn't want that!

8.) SCHOOLS OFTEN TEACH MEMORIZATION, NOT HOW TO ASK QUESTIONS OR HOW TO THINK:
While some memorization is important and necessary for the foundation of a lot of learning, it is not the most important tool. I want my children to learn how to ask the important questions. I want them to learn where to seek out the answers. I want them to research and listen and research some more. I want them to sit with the answers and see if they feel right. And if they don't or they can't find the answers to certain questions, I want them to believe in themselves and their abilities enough to seek those answers out. In our society today there is spell check and calculators and questions are answered by stationary robot/computers we have all over our house or almost all of us carry in our hands. We don't need the same things we used to. What we do need is creators and thinkers and seekers.

9.) I HAVE BLACK CHILDREN:

If you haven't already, I highly encourage you to read an older blog of mine, I Never Knew How White I Was Until I Had a Black Child. Here is an article that details how Rutgers study found White teachers three times more negative with black students. Here is another one that shows that Black Children are Punished More In School. These articles suggest that growing up white in a country that that was built on the backs of stolen humans, humans that were made into slaves, creates inherent and deep rooted bias in the white population. Until we can all admit that, and then take action in ourselves as well as in our communities to change that deep rooted bias, this country will continue to be a dangerous place for my children. It is not enough to not be racist. You need to be actively fighting racism. Here is a great list of What White People Can Do For Racial Justice. 

Black people are so tired (author unknown)

We can’t go jogging (#AmaudArbery).

We can’t relax in the comfort of our own homes (#BothemSean and #AtatianaJefferson). 

We can't ask for help after being in a car crash (#JonathanFerrell and #RenishaMcBride). 

We can't have a cellphone (#StephonClark). 

We can't leave a party to get to safety (#JordanEdwards). 

We can't play loud music (#JordanDavis).

We can’t sell CD's (#AltonSterling).

We can’t sleep (#AiyanaJones)

We can’t walk from the corner store (#MikeBrown).

We can’t play cops and robbers (#TamirRice).

We can’t go to church (#Charleston9).

We can’t walk home with Skittles (#TrayvonMartin).

We can’t hold a hair brush while leaving our own bachelor party (#SeanBell).

We can’t party on New Years (#OscarGrant).

We can’t get a normal traffic ticket (#SandraBland).

We can’t lawfully carry a weapon (#PhilandoCastile).

We can't break down on a public road with car problems (#CoreyJones).

We can’t shop at Walmart (#JohnCrawford) .

We can’t have a disabled vehicle (#TerrenceCrutcher).

We can’t read a book in our own car (#KeithScott).

We can’t be a 10yr old walking with our grandfather (#CliffordGlover).

We can’t decorate for a party (#ClaudeReese).

We can’t ask a cop a question (#RandyEvans).

We can’t cash our check in peace (#YvonneSmallwood).

We can’t take out our wallet (#AmadouDiallo).

We can’t run (#WalterScott).

We can’t breathe (#EricGarner).

We can’t live (#FreddieGray).

We’re tired. 

Tired of making hashtags.

Tired of trying to convince you that our #BlackLivesMatter too. 

Tired of dying.

Tired.

Tired.

Tired.

So very tired.

Author Unknown

10.) SAFETY:
When I originally started writing this blog I was referring to school shootings and to Bullying (and see above concerns for my black children). Cnn reports. Ten years. 180 school shootings. 356 victims and Bulling can cause both short term and long term damage.

Now I am referring to school shootings AND Bullying AND currently Covid-19. 

11.) SLEEP:
Kinda obvious but we all function better when we wake up when our body is rested and not when an alarm tells us its time to wake up. It is what works for us.

12.) WE CAN ALWAYS CHANGE OUR MIND:
It used to be as soon as I said we homeschooled the first question was, are you going to do that forever. My answer was always, we are doing it this year and we will reevaluate and see if it is what we want to do next year. That is what I used to say. And I still feel that way. But the more I homeschool, the less likely every year that passes that I could ever imagine placing my children in a typical and traditional school environment.

What is Unschooling!?
Unschooling is a subset of homeschooling. Basically it advocates for student/learner chosen activities that are learned through the environment and play. It is child-led. There are no text books and is no curriculum.

Our family borrows from Unschooling but since they do get together with a tutor twice a week with a plan (albeit flexible, there is still a plan) we are not radical purist unschoolers.  But we also are not true homeschoolers either. We borrow from both. In fact, I read a lot of books and blogs and I borrow from anything that feels like it will work for my children and our family.

More info on Unschooling.

*BONUS
When I Grow Up I Want To Be Happy 

Where do you start if you want to homeschool/unschool? What does my family do?

The most important thing, I believe is to first decide, is this something that you really want to do (not what feel you need to do or have to do or should do) but is it something that you REALLY WANT TO DO? If you really want to do it, know that YOU CAN DO IT! And if you read this and decide it is not for you, that is perfectly okay too!

VERY IMPORTANT!!!! I am not trying to convert anyone. To homeschool or not to homeschool is a highly personal choice and the only wrong answer is if you do something that does not feel right to you. I have many friends I love and whose children I love that go to school and love traditional school and thrive there. That is awesome and what works for them!!!!!!

Every state is different. This website should be a helpful jumping off point homeschooling by state.

In Virginia you have to send in a proposal mid summer for approval from the state proving you’re fit to homeschool. First year is most annoying with most forms to fill out and you have to show proof of education (copy of your High School diploma) etc. There are a bunch of detail oriented forms to fill out. This was the most annoying and time consuming. The good news is every following year you don’t need to repeat all that as you are on file. What you do have to do every year is either send in proof of education (for example if you follow a certain curriculum you need to send in all their papers and quizzes and tests you’ve done throughout the year to show progress) or you pay someone qualified and with the appropriate training and titles, to test them once a year to demonstrate progress (this is not just anyone. They have to be certified in this are to qualify). 

Since we had no curriculum or textbooks or papers I chose to test them. We ended up loving our tester so much that now she is their tutor. 

I made a very conscious choice that I did not want to have a teacher/student role with my kids. I was a teacher. I loved teaching. I have a Masters in it and years of experience. I am qualified. And yet I made the chose for our family not to take that route. Everyone has to decide for themselves what makes sense. But I didn’t want that. So I pay her to come twice a week for one hour for each of them and work on whatever she and I think they need work on AND what they want to work on. It’s still very child inclusive and she is very flexible and let’s me take the lead in deciding or changing things up. So I am very involved. But I am involved behind the scenes. And when they come to me (which they often do) to read or do math games or write stories etc., I absolutely oblige and love working with them. But I never have a set time where I sit them down with an agenda and "teach"to them.

We didn’t start with our tutor though until Hartly was 6. And when he started, he started one 45 minute session a week and that’s all.

Tayo joined in, I think, the next year at age 5 because Tayo wanted to. He started with just one 30 minute session a week (his attention span and energy was and is much different than Hartly’s)...

Over the next few years we slowly built up to twice a week. But the most instruction they get a week is 2 hours total. They do not need more. No homework ever. Amazingly they often want to write on their own or search different subjects or do fast math games etc. but nothing required. 

It’s awesome because if they’d been in school Hartly would be in trouble all the time for being too curious or talking too much. Tayo for sure would be treated as though he was slow as he gets very shy in big groups and if he doesn’t know an answer 100% he has to really trust you to talk and give his thoughts. He would fall through the cracks.... and Tayo's math is way higher than his reading. Hartly’s reading is way higher than his math. And she adjusts to that.

AND we do NOT tutor when we travel. We travel, on average, during the "school year" about 8 weeks. They also, like children in school, do not have tutoring during holidays. My guess is they have 26 weeks total every "school year" with 2 hours per week of instruction.  With this they are both "on track" and meeting minimum or higher of grade level equivalents to their age.

I love it. I love how we do it because it fits best for our family and is ever changing as they are growing and changing. But if you decide to homeschool, you will find homeschooling has every possible and different story and family. Not one type fits all. 

What curriculum do you use?
We don't.

Their tutor looks at surrounding schools' curriculum and material that is being taught and introduces it to my kids. She also has her own background and methods that she was taught in so she pulls from that as well. So my children are learning similar things as children their age/grade level nation wide and if they surpass those things, she looks ahead and teaches ahead in certain areas. If they are having certain difficulties in areas, she stays on those areas longer and tries different methods and approaches to help them in that area. It is all catered specifically to them. So Tayo just turned 7 and if he was in public school he would be in 1st grade. And a lot of what he is learning is first grade material. And in some areas he is on lower end of spectrum and in other areas he surpasses first grade material so she borrows from second grade material. Hartly would be in 4th grade I believe and same as Tayo, different areas he is on lower end of spectrum and in other areas he is grade levels above. 

Do you need a tutor to homeschool? No. We only know one other homeschooler that has a tutor out of dozens of homeschooling and unschooling friends. A few have used a tutor in just one subject or for brief amounts of time. If you don't want to spend your money on a tutor, there are so many different programs out there. Start doing your research and go onto homeschooling pages and ask and search their history. Often you choose a method and buy it and all the materials and instructions are sent to you (different programs cost different amounts of money from very reasonable to very expensive).  Some even break down how much and what to teach per day, per subject and you, the "teacher" literally read out of the book instructions and just follow along. Or join a co-op and sign them up for a bunch of classes. Or search the curriculum for local schools and then you make your own schedule and borrow from a bunch of different methods and philosophies. Or unschool and don't do any of that. It is a very personal choice.

BUT DON'T YOU WORRY YOUR KIDS WONT BE SOCIALIZED? AREN'T YOU WORRIED THEY WILL BE WEIRD?

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No. And No.

My children get more play time and friendship time being homeschooled/unschooled than if they went to school. 

My children are weird. They are very strange and unconventional. We don't just homeschool but we are vegan. My kids don't eat processed sugar. My husband is ketogenic and eats no sugar. We have a non adopted child and two adopted children of color. I had a home birth with my oldest. My husband is an entrepreneur and has start ups and works from home. We have never followed the beaten path. Much of what works for us and is authentic for us is incredibly crazy to others. So, by definition, The LLosas are all weird and strange and unconventional. We do not view this in a negative light. And we definitely do not think homeschooling them is why they are weird. They were just weird to start! And we value what makes our children unique.

But no fear! They are weird AND they are also socialized. My children take a lot of extracurricular activities. Some of these classes are with other homeschoolers and some are with "typical" children.

EXTRACURRICULARS:

Every Fall and Spring my children are on a Track team, McLean Youth Track and Field (MYTF). This is a sports class that is not a homeschool class.

During the School year my kids are on WEAquatics  swim team (also not a homeschool class). We have been with this group since Hartly was 6 months as we took ISR (Infant Survival Resource) class with them. Then Tayo did ISR with them and then Tatiana did their ISR program and is currently doing their SFS (Swim Float Swim) class (if interested in learning more about ISR and WEAquatics I wrote a blog on it years ago and it all still stands!).

My kids also take piano. They started years ago with an awesome teacher but recently she left town and we have switched to a new teacher we are really enjoying. They do this during the "school day" with just the teacher and them.

My kids also love our local Parkour Classes they take at Urban Evolution. There are homeschooling classes during the day as well as all inclusive in the evenings. They run around and flip and jump and climb and they love their instructors as well as the other kids that attend these classes. 

Another class they take, which is their absolute most favorite is Ancestral Knowledge. This program has classes for non homeschooling children and homeschooled children. For my homeschoolers, basically once a week a group of 7-12 year old homeschoolers go into the woods for five hours with incredibly talented and gifted instructors to learn about indigenous animals and plants and foraging and building shelter and fire safety and playing games with like pine cones and sticks... it’s so rad and they come home dirty and sweaty and so happy!! Their brains, hearts, bodies and souls needs are all met in this class! They absolutely love it!

And, when not in midst of a National Pandemic, my children have multiple play dates a week! 

FIND A LOCAL GROUP!!! 

We just this fall FINALLY found a homeschooling group we love. It took years. I can't tell you how many different meetings of different groups I found online I went to. We never had any bad experiences but we never meshed with any of the groups. As I mentioned briefly, there are so many different and awesome and amazing ways to homeschool. Some are faith based and there are many specialized groups for that. Some are strict homeschoolers that wake up the same time everyday and brush teeth, get dressed, eat breakfast and then sit down at the table to do school. Some kids have homework and some don't. We have a friend who does very radical unschooling and everyday they just kinda do what they want and go where the wind carries them. Many borrow from different philosophies and methods to create a life that fits best into their world. There are also a lot of Black homeschooling families that are multiplying in numbers every year and support groups for that. Search on google, ask friends, search facebook groups and instagram groups and go to the meetings a few times to figure out what works for you. As I said, Fall of 2019 was first group we have found in last 9 years that really meshed for us. We are eternally grateful for them! Find your group because when you do, it is worth it!

Our group (when it is not a world pandemic) meets every Wednesday from 12-4. It is a parent/Mommy led group. The organizer created a list of all Wednesdays and we each chose dates to sign up for to lead. 

Here is a list of all the amazing meetings we had this school year (before stay at home orders arrived): Fun at Lake Barcroft Beach, Blue Ridge Center for Environmental Stewardship hike, Wayside fieldtrip, Letterboxing at Balls Bluff, Spooktacular Halloween potluck for the whole family, Mount vernon, small manipulatives class, Group games, weaving and clothing swap, Skeleton day to learn about our skeleton and bones, Cox Farms Fall estival, Book club, STEM day building catapults, Animal shelter class and tour, friendsgiving celebration, Science fair, Shenandoah caverns, Holidays and traditions around the world, Slingshots and popcorn/cranberry garlands, Winter solstice hike and potluck, crafting and hiking, sky meadows state park hiking, wild rangers tour and hiking, artist study of Alexander Calder, Sock puppets, Valentines day and potluck, show and tell/building fun, RecyBots, Tour at Wolf Trap... I mean, these woman are so creative and awesome! We would start meeting at 12 and eat lunch together as everyone arrived at different times. Then often the parent and the kids "teach" or introduce subject and craft, if there is one, and then we do it or go on hike... and then the kids run off and play and the Moms connect.  It is wonderful! This group of Moms all live close together and have known each other for years. They are different races, religions, follow different methods, have different styles, different number of children and different personalities. They are in different situations, and have different viewpoints and I adore them all.  Somehow, because my son was in Ancestral Knowledge and met another awesome kid, I was invited into this sacred group and I'm forever grateful! 

P.S. One of the hardest things about the stay-at-home order for my children (and for me!) is missing seeing this group of people weekly in person. Luckily one of the moms kept on trucking and created zoom events for every Wednesday! And most of our kids connected on Facebook Kid Messenger so they message each other and videochat often. In addition I bought a Minecraft Realm so that once a week anyone from our group can go online at the same time an play together. They will often call each other and talk while they play. It is a special group of friends! 

What if I want my kids to enter the school system after homeschooling?
I've had people worry that if they homeschool for a year or two and then decide it isn't for them or their kids want to go back to school, how difficult would that transition be? What would it look like? 

This will depend on the child's history as well as their current situation. We have met a number of homeschoolers who had children in traditional school, took them out to homeschool for a few years and then put their children back into traditional school. Off the top of my head I can think of 5 families that have done this. Three of these are currently young adults who have graduated college but spent a few years, around middle school/junior high, being homeschooled. How easy or hard the child's transition into traditional school will depend on a number of factors. The child's temperament and personality will factor into the transition. Whether or not it was the child who wanted to be homeschooled in the first place and if it was the child who wanted to return/go back to traditional school. For the 5 families I know, the first few weeks were hard because of them having to be "on" all day and the schedule change. But after a few weeks, they were fine. It's like riding a bike, one of the Moms, who went through the transition back to school, told me. 

For my children who have never been in a traditional school day, I still think they would be fine. Both of my boys, starting at age 4, showed great interest in week long specialty camps. When they were little the camps were 4-5 hours a day. Last summer they both were in camps that were 7 hours long (length of average school day) and they would've stayed longer given the choice. Now I know that is camp and not school but some of their camps were coding or chess camp or creative writing camp, so "desk work" was involved. They have also taken co-op classes, some of which are 3 hours long. They know how to interact with other children, be in groups of children, and follow instructions from a teacher. Again, they chose all of these classes and most classes they take are smaller (think private school). I think they would be very unhappy in a large public school (but that is their individual personalities and it would depend on which public school).

As Hartly is starting to get older he is showing interest in areas that his tutor nor I are proficient in. I will start to look to go outside the home to find teachers whom are skilled and passionate in these areas. We have also always talked about him taking one or two courses at local schools as he gets older. Many schools allow this of homeschoolers. I just am not at that point yet but plan on doing that in the future.

What about college?
A lot of people worry that if they homeschool their children will have a harder time getting into college. All you have to do is spend just a couple of minutes doing research to find out that this simply is not true. Colleges often look at: grades, extracurricular, essays, recommendations and SAT scores. Depending on how you homeschool or what method you use, the grade portion is easily the most difficult to assess. The rest is going to be very similar to someone in a traditional school. I have read that a lot of schools weigh SAT scores heavier for homeschoolers than non homeschoolers but otherwise there won't be too much difference. Can your children write a compelling and good essay? Are they interesting? Would they be a good candidate for whatever school they are applying to? Just like non homeschoolers, there will be a variation among the group. And choosing the right college for your child's interests, passions and strengths will play a huge role as well. But there is no evidence showing that if your homeschooler wants to, and is adequately prepared, they will have difficulty getting into college just based on the fact that they were homeschooled. In fact just the opposite may be true.

Family Education website had this to say about the question about if Homeschoolers will get into college, "On average, homeschooled kids score one year ahead of their schooled peers on standardized tests. The longer the student homeschools, the wider this gap becomes. By the time homeschooled children are in the eighth grade, they test four years ahead of their schooled peers.

Of course, these results translate into better ACT (American College Test) scores. Research shows that high achievement on the ACT strongly indicates a greater likelihood of success in college. According to official ACT reports, homeschooled students repeatedly outperform publicly and privately educated students in the ACT assessment test. "What you can say about the homeschoolers is that homeschooled kids are well-prepared for college," says Kelley Hayden, a spokesman for ACT." 

And, of the homeschoolers who decide to attend college, on average they graduate faster and have higher GPAs than their non homeschooled peers. Some even believe that Homeschool teens are ripe for college and better socialized and prepared for all the new changes that colleges call for.

Do we homeschool our children in order for them to get ahead? No. Do some homeschoolers' parents homeschool in order for their children to get ahead? Sure. I don't know any personally but I am sure they exist. Are my kids ahead of their peers? In some areas, yes. In other areas, no. We do not homeschool our children to compete against non homeschooled children or homeschooled children. We homeschool to find their passions and their interests and to prepare them not for college, but the world. And if college isn't a good fit for our children, they don't need to go. We do not equate automatic success with college or believe college is necessary or right for everyone. But our children are little and we have plenty of time to think about that later. In the meantime, whether they want to go to college or not, we will make sure they are adequately prepared either way.

DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU:

A lot of people/friends I have do co-ops - like tiny little groups of kids with teachers and you choose the class (can do one or 5). My guys have never officially been in a Co-Op but we have taken classes periodically from them (Creative writing, Space and rockets, Introduction to being an entrepreneur, and an Engineering class). We have also done on-line classes (A stock market class, A class on guinea pigs, and a fantasy class). As I mentioned, a handful of my friends order curriculum and do “school” a few hours a day, a few times a week. I also have one or two that don’t even declare their kids to the state and do all hands on learning out in nature and through travel and the "real" world. Find your area and supplement. And if it doesn't work, try something else.

That’s a lot. And I rambled. And I’m not sure I actually answered any questions adequately. Please feel free to ask follow ups or for clarification if you want or need any. Also please feel free to join my Facebook Page (Unschooling/Play Based Learning in Va/Dc/Md). My participants are not that active so I don't go on too often but there is some cool stuff on there (and I would love to have it become more interactive).

Tatiana turns 1!!!!

My sweet baby girl. Mommy can't help but tear up as soon as I sit down to write this to you as your first full spin around the sun approaches. You are such magic and this family is made so much better with you in it.

Hartly put it best a few days after you were born.  He said, "Mom, my whole life I have felt like something was missing. Since Tatiana, I don't feel that anymore." Truer words have never been spoken.

Where does one even begin to express a letter of gratitude and love.

Lets begin before the beginning... I will start with my love for my Mother. Jinky, as she was affectionately called by all whom loved her, was an incredible soul.  She loved huge and as a childhood friend once said to me about my relationship with my Mom, there was never a child who was adored as much as I was by my Mother. She was a kindred spirit and we were and are connected behind time and space. After my two boys, my heart ached for another child. This desire only grew after my Mother passed away in July of 2017.



Adoption is a strange, difficult and beautiful world full of so much. It is strange to wish for a child while knowing that if your wish is answered, that means that something went wrong in the world.  What I mean by this is the natural order of the world is that children are able to stay with and grow up with their 1st Mothers. When adoption occurs, that means something has gone wrong with that natural order. Even when it is the 1st Mother's choice to place their child with another family to grow up in, it is the hardest choice any person ever has to make. Every Mother loves their child.




This being said, once your 1st Mother knew she needed to place you with another family to grow up in, through many different avenues, she found and chose us. But this only occurred weeks before your birth and I was convinced, like all the other "matches", this would not go through either.

May 16th - Frank had JUST left the house to take the boys to their Ninja Warrior class. I was on a Skype call doing some meditation work when minutes after the guys had left, they popped through the door saying, "The baby is here! The baby is here!" I honestly, was so confused. I got off my call right away and your Dad said, "I don't know much but I know she was born. I am not even positive it is a she." The day is a whirlwind in my memory but I know the following...

I started throwing things in half packed bags and literally found myself turning in circles a few different times, like a dog chasing his tail, excited and confused and not knowing what to do with myself. The boys were jumping off the walls, laughing hysterically and having no idea what to do as they asked a million questions a minute, none of which I was able to answer.  Daddy was in the computer room multitasking - he continued to call and text the adoption lawyer while also trying to get us plane tickets. There is some rule about buying tickets within a certain number of minutes before take off, so while he was able to find and get tickets on the next airplane, by the time he pushed the button to complete the transaction, the computer kept bringing up an error notice saying we were too close to time of departure to purchase them.

Much like what occurred when Tayo was born, we just hopped in the car and zoomed straight for the airport hoping against the odds, somehow we would get there in time and be able to get on the flight to you (because the next flight was for the next day and none or us could imagine waiting). It was pouring (literally pouring, not drizzling, but bucketloads of water falling from the sky). When we got to the airport we had to drop Daddy off at the front to race inside and try to complete the purchase of the tickets within 45 min of the departure.  Your brothers and I had to find long term parking in the pouring rain and the then 7 year old Hartly and 5 year old Tayo had to help Mommy gather all the bags and run through the rain and locate Daddy inside the airport!

Somehow we made it!

Somehow we were able to do this and as we reconnected with Daddy. He had managed to get the tickets and we all raced for the gate and onto the airplane and minutes later we were in the sky and on our way to you!

By the time we touched down and got into a rental we knew this much: we knew you had been born the day before, May 15th. We knew you were indeed a little girl. We knew what hospital you were at. We knew you and your 1st Mommy were healthy. We rushed ahead holding our breaths and hoping beyond hope we could see and hold you soon.

A bit of bad luck when we made it to the hospital. There was another little newborn on your unit having major complications (we found this out later, as far as I know they ended up being fine) so we were unable to go in and see you for many, many hours after reaching the hospital. At the time we didn't know why and it was so frustrating to be so close and not be able to meet you. The second thing we found out, which about broke your brothers was, unlike the hospital Tayo was born in, this hospital absolutely did not allow anyone under the age of 12 in.

Sending love through the wall to you!

The above aside, a few hours later I was allowed in to see you. You were in a brightly lit nursery all bundled up and sleeping peacefully next to a window where we were able to pull up the blinds so Daddy and brothers could at least see you as I was able to pick you up and hold you for the first time.



Again, I pause in writing this as I relive those moments. You were so soft and so peaceful and I couldn't believe you were part of our family. I picked you up as I cried and whispered how much I loved you and I held you up for the boys to see. All I really wanted to do was walk out with you and home with you that moment. But hospital rules prevented that. Daddy got to come in and hold you and then we begrudgingly left you for the night with promises you'd be taken good care of by the night nurses and whispers to you that we would be back soon.



The next day we got physical custody and your big brothers got to touch and hold and kiss you for the first time. Again, I pause to wipe away tears with this memory.  I can't think of this memory without recalling the first time Hartly lay eyes on Tayo and I witnessed love at fist sight.  This happened again with you and your two big brothers. The difference was I got to see Tayo fall in love at first sight. This sibling attachment and bonding is by far my favorite part of being a Mother. Hartly, I believe as the oldest, held you in his arms first. But it was Tayo that night in the hotel room that quietly, sweetly and insistently requested he be allowed to fall asleep with you in his arms. And we let him and I captured it with a photo - his peaceful sleeping body next to your peaceful sleeping body with his little 5 year old arm gently over your whole tiny body. When it was time for your first feeding we gently untucked the two of you but honestly, your souls have been intertwined ever since.





A bit about you my girl as the days, weeks, months and almost a year followed... There are a few things I am sure of. One, you are fiercely and completely loved through and through by your 1st Mother. She is a beautiful and wonderful soul and she thinks of you everyday and loves you every moment. Secondly, your Daddy, brothers and I have a much better life than the awesome one we were living before because of you. That's right. Our life was great before you.... and it is crazy amounts better because of you.



Okay. Now you. You are amazing. Your name means Queen of the Faeries and it suites you perfectly. As we always say, "There are no princesses in our house, only Queens". And just like Faeries are pure magic, so are you! Lets begin with your physical milestones.  You were pretty much born holding your head up solidly from day one.  By 10 weeks you were rolling over!! You started crawling at 5 months and could pull yourself to standing and crawling up the stairs solo by 5 1/2 months. By 7 months you were scooting around on furniture and by 8 months you were walking while pushing toys and chairs around rooms. At 9 months, in Fajardo, Puerto Rico, you took your first solo steps. As I write this you are 10 days shy of a year and you can also run, dance, and jump. You graduated from Infant Resource Survival swim class (ISR) which is a 6-8 week long program and completed it in 5 weeks! (fastest ISR baby in this area for David who has been teaching ISR for 10+ years!). The boys call you Little Houdini because you're able to escape everything.  You are my first child I have to put in a 5 point harness in your highchair because otherwise you climb up and try to climb out. You are also the first child we have had to get gates for because you undo or break or climb around or over every barricade we've tried to make. You aren't much for sign language (yet) but definitely know "fan",  "music", "cheese" and "more." You babble and hum and chatter a LOT! But really only say "dada" and "Lexuh" clearly. Yup. You can say our computer Alexa's name before you can say, "mama." You are a wonderful sleeper and I can really only recall a handful of times over the past 11 months where you woke in the middle of the night, usually for teething... although you only have your two middle bottom teeth. You got those two at 8 months old. You love your "bunny bear" and are excited to get to cuddle and hold her at sleep times. I will say you only did 3 naps for a short period and shortly after that you dropped it down to only one nap.  It's the rare occasion where you take a second nap.  This is unusual for such a young child but its you.





You have gained a plethora of nicknames in your short time on earth: Buddha baby, Little Thing, Mini Mador, Tiana, Tati, Lady, Little Houdini, Sissy, Queen Tatiana (the boys often announce in deep voices when you enter the room, "All hail Queen Tatiana!!")… You are showered with words of affirmation daily. The boys tell you how clever, how smart, how strong, how pretty you are and no less than five times a day they tell you that they love you and you are the best and cutest baby there is. There is no shortage of love in your life.

You are the third child of a homeschooling family and there are pros and cons to this. You are often woken from naps, or skip them altogether because brothers have classes or playdates or there are errands to run. You are constantly doted on - Tayo starts each morning climbing into your crib with you. Hartly is sad if too many hours pass and he hasn't seen or hugged you. While they are slightly jealous of the love and attention I bestow upon you (which, lets be honest, is a lot), they are not upset with you about this and you are the love of their lives. They play with you, pick you up, carry you around and cuddle you constantly. You happily follow them around and love being near them.




You and Daddy - your Papa is as enamored with you as the rest of us. When he has had a particularly long or hard work day, he comes seeking you out for his arms. When he sees you, worry disappears and is replaced with an instant Tatiana smile. You greet him with a "dada!" and hug and smile whenever you see him. The two of you are definitely bonded.



Tatiana, you are one special soul. You are unique and so special. I've never met anyone like you. You have a very happy and calm temperament. You are go with the flow. But it is strange because you are not passive. You are always watching and exploring and can have the most pensive and serious expressions as you navigate the world around you. You also are quick to giggle and are often very expressive in your joy and happiness.  You love music and often this is why you often yell out, "Lexuh" as you stare at the computer and start dancing, anxiously awaiting music to spill out... when it does you laugh and giggle and dance and sway. You like new people but mostly only like to be in Mommy or Tayo's arms, or near Hartly. You are very attached to me and I don't mind this at all. We have never owned a stroller and I wear you daily. When you aren't physically attached to me, which is often since you have been so mobile for so long, you often run back to me or check in on me frequently when playing.  I get many hugs and squeezes and cuddles a day and I'm in heaven when you are slightly tired and reach for me as your thumb goes in your mouth (you gave up the pacifier once you found your thumb around 3 months) and your head nuzzles into my neck. In those moments I feel at home and gratitude pours out of my soul. How grateful, of all the families in the world, I am to be able to be with you and love you daily.



Since Hartly first made me a Mother there has been no truer saying than, the days are long but the years are short. I remember before you, but I feel like you were always there somehow... Many days with 3 children are long and tiring days. 3 kids is a lot of energy, a lot of personalities, a lot of impulses and a lot of attention needed. And I still find myself boggled with the passage of time because how can my last baby be about to turn one.

Tatiana Tomasena Manuel LLosa. I want you to know you are loved. I know that as a human you will face all sorts of emotions and highs and lows and challenges, this is inevitable. But through every milestone and every experience, may you always know you are loved completely. This is not based on your accomplishments or milestones or if you have a good day or bad or if you make good choices or bad ones. You are loved completely for your essence and your very being. While you as a human may occasionally act flawed, as all humans do, you yourself are flawless. You are perfection. There has never before, and there never will be another you. And I love you completely my sunshine. Happy Birthday.